Thiago, or the boy i haven’t told you about…

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SHHHHHH!!

Don’t make noise!!

Can’t you see?

He’s sleeping

Right here, next to me.

Wait, wait, i’ll get up.

 

Now, come on in, come on in, please,

Don’t stay at the door.

I can hear you better if you are inside.

 

Please excuse the fact that i’m wearing a sheet, i have no idea where my clothes ended up.

My skirt might be on top of the stove, might.

My blouse is underneath him, so it’s lost until tomorrow.

We also can’t turn on the lights, sorry, he’s a very light sleeper, i’ve learned that.

So imagine the things you can’t see…

 

This is his room,

The walls are white, the furniture brown, the smell is clean.

It feels like it’s mine too sometimes, but it isn’t.

 

This is his closet, with all his clothes perfectly folded.

Perfectly arranged, by colors, by length, by the way they look on him.

His shirts, by the way they accent his muscles.

His shoes by brand.

The suit he is going to wear tomorrow, extended on the chair.

 

Go to the balcony, look at the view, we are on the 9th floor.

Nice, right? It’s very nice.

Oh, but EVERYTHING in his life is nice.

People congratulate him on his watch, then on me, then on his car.

 

He will hug me if i cuddle next to him, not even opening his eyes, he does it by reflex, i could be anyone.

For me it’s always him, even when it’s not.

That’s our biggest difference.

That’s why i can’t stay.

 

This is his room and this is the last time i see it.

I haven’t told him, i won’t, but i changed my flight, and i’m leaving tomorrow.

This is his room, and it felt like mine so many times, but now that i look around there really is nothing of mine in here to take.

And nothing of mine that stays.

 

This is the last night i see him,

And i have just been staring at him, what’s the point of sleeping anyway?

My dreams for years have been about him…

 

This is the guy i did it for.

If any of you still had any doubt…

Of course there was a boy!

There always is…

All the stupid things, all the mess, all the airplanes, all the travels, all the searching…

They were all about him.

And i’d crossed it again, every single kilometer, that’s the worst part,

It was all worth it.

 

It’s always worth it, chasing love.

Even if once you touch it, it dissapears.

Hey! You touched it!

 

This is the guy i love

And he’s not really asleep.

(I told you he is a light sleeper)

He’s only pretending,

Because he knows all this, but doesn’t want to hear.

 

There is a place for the towels, a place to put the laundry, a place for his golf clubs, and a place for a girl.

They are all easy to fill.

 

This is the room of the guy i love

And i’m going to leave my love in here folded in between his white t-shirts.

Because none of it was ever mine anyway.

 

This is the guy i love.

And this is the day i leave him.

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7 thoughts on “Thiago, or the boy i haven’t told you about…

  1. Brilliant writing; your form and visuals put us in that room (sorry I cannot be specific, as there is just too much I could reference, but the idea that he might be silently listening was a great effect). And the ending…
    exceptional! Thank you for sharing!

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