We made portobello burgers, then i kicked you.


We cooked portobello burgers, i was vegetarian back then, another thing that didn’t lasted…

We cooked portobellos and all the neighbors commented on the good smell, and your good looks once you weren’t listening.

And then they all commented on my good luck. Luck? It was hell to find you, and hell to keep you.

I had to chase you around like a kid after a basketball, always scared you were going to bounce into the street and then you’ll be lost forever.

I also lied, sorry, I made portobello burgers, it was me, you were watching TV and drinking a beer. I made burgers, and organic lemonade and dark chocolate cake for dessert, it took about 2 hours, it took about 2 years, but i also made a man out of you with love, i had been giving you my life in a dish everyday, with a side of everything i had. And you had been with your feet up the couch, asking me to hurry up.

And as i washed the dishes later, again by myself, while i could hear the playstation on the livingroom, it hit me. I realized you had finished all of them. It was over.

So i put the dishes away, and then i put your clothes and your toothbrush and your fancy shampoo all in a box and i kicked them down the stairs, then you followed.

I made portobello burgers, you made me a fool.

I had to clean both the messes, the kitchen and myself.

And people now wonder why i hate to cook…


19 thoughts on “We made portobello burgers, then i kicked you.

  1. kingmidget

    Why can’t people be partners in their relationships instead of acting as though the relationship is there only for their benefit? I, too, relate … From the man’s perspective.

    1. I don’t know really, i’ve been in both ends. I’ve given more than i should have and i’ve taken more than was mine.

      And both can be addictive, having someone adore you so much you don’t have to lift a finger, and also having someone you need to chase after and beg for some crumbs.

      Neither is healthy i know, still i seem to keep falling into them.

      1. kingmidget

        I could go on and on about this. I’ll just leave it at this. I told my wife earlier this week that I married her to be my partner, friend, and lover and what I got was a cook, maid, and another mom. She said she just has a strong caregiver impulse. I said I didn’t need somebody to take care of me. I needed somebody to love me. I don’t know what reality is supposed to be like but it certainly seems it should be something different than this.

        I think what struck me about this post was that it describes a classic scenario — two people get together, one keeps working at “it” the other seems to accept and settle. It shouldn’t be that way but it all too frequently seems to end up that way.

      2. They do, relationships drive me crazy, i can write and write about them but don’t understand them at all. It’s just so complicated, two completely diferent people with completely different backgrounds and brains trying to share one life.

        And even after you get together you never stop growing, and changing, and your needs and the other person needs also change.

        It seems magic to me, that some couples actually make it work.

        How long have you been married? if you don’t mind me asking.

      3. kingmidget

        Tonight is out 21st anniversary. I have been unhappy most of that time. There is one key to the mystery. Well actually two or three. The first is communication. The ability to talk about everything. The second is effort. The willingness to do the hard work. The third is desire. To make it all work to be the person the other needs and to let the other fulfill your needs. And the fourth is love. Not teenage love. Not lustful love. But love. Doing everything when it comes to that person with the reminder of love guiding you. And hearing and seeing everything the other says and does with the understanding that it is said and done out of love.

        And, most importantly, it takes two people who get all that. And that’s where the most fundamental difficulty lies.

        I hope you find it one day. I haven’t given up.

      4. That’s really nice advice, thanks, it still seems awfully complicated haha but i’ll start where i can, by making myself strong again, i guess, i don’t feel like i have a lot to give right now.

        Thanks again, and i hope things get better for you too.

      5. kingmidget

        I have two teenagers. I have often said that being a parent is both the most rewarding and challenging thing one can do. I’m beginning to think that maintaining a relationship for the long haul is just as difficult. It’s really hard to do. But it’s a question of whether both people are committed to the idea of having a life together. Together.

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