Surviving a break-up, for dummies.

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Pretend you love yourself

So you are now alone again, let’s not kid ourselves, the first thing everyone is going to tell you is that he broke up with you because you were too good for him, but truth be told you don’t feel any good at all, you feel like a mound of dirt, and you probably look like one too, showering, shaving and brushing your hair having fallen to the bottom of the list after someone ripped out your heart and jumped on it.

People will try to get you out of the house, get you out drinking, get you to meet new people… You know what? If you don’t want to, don’t listen to them, be the dirt, become one with the mound, roll around in it. Build a bed and stay in the rock bottom hotel as long as you need to.

Take a day off, or a week, or two, and do nothing but cry and eat pizza, don’t change your clothes, don’t change your sheets, take your time, don’t listen to anybody else.

Come out a month later breaded in mud, but happy, ready. Knowing full well that when the dirt washes off, most of your pain will go away with it.

 

Play the ex is lava

 So you are not together anymore but you still stalk him on all the possible social networks, you ask about him, you call your friends in common and frequent the places you all used to go. STOP IT. Get away, imagine he was a deadly and terrible disease called

The ex is lava and if you run in to him you lose.

The ex is lava and this kind of lava already burned you once, so don’t be an idiot, stay away.

 

Became a murderer

You know that tiny little light at the bottom of your heart? The sweet little voice refusing to shut up saying again and again that maybe, maybe this is not the end. Maybe in a few months or years he’ll come back, maybe you only need sometime and this can still work out. Well, kill it.

Kill the last little bit of hope,  turn off all the lights and stay in the dark, only that way you’ll find a new way to light yourself, kill the last little heart floating around waiting for his birthday so you’ll have a good excuse to call him, or you’ll never move on.

Until you do that you still belong to him.

 

Be honest

 Don’t feel better with stupid ideas, don’t listen to the pre-programmed speeches friends make at moments like this. He didn’t lose his only chance at being happy. He did not leave you for someone worst. You will not find someone better than him. You will find someone better FOR YOU. Don’t let stupid comments like “He didn’t deserve you” get to your head.

Accept the fact that no one is better than anyone, what happened to you is the most common thing in the planet.  Your pain is no bigger or smaller than the pain of everyone else, and is in fact a cable that will, in time connect you to other people around you. And give you an extra strength to take care of yourself and others.

No one deserves, or doesn’t deserve somebody else, we simply fit or we don’t, don’t try to fit a square in the place of a circle. It will never work, don’t waste more time.

We are all simply human beings trying our best, trying to find someone wearing our same t-shirt.

 Don’t use your pain as a weapon to hate someone else, use it as a stair to see beyond yourself.

 

 Manage the spaces.

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 The empty space in your heart, in your bed, in your social life, in the sink where his shaving cream used to me, in the fridge, in your wallet. Fill the ones you can, the ones you instantly can, the ones that hurt the most, fill them fast, with the first thing you can.

 Fill them with anything on sight that seems appealing to you, with friends, ice cream, tequila, chocolate, movies, with work, with knitting classes, learn a new language, plant some pretty flowers on your front yard. Seriously, anything, make some time, so you can deal with the holes one by one, you finish one, you open the next one, don’t leave them all open at one, you’ll drown. 

 

What was it?

When we are kids and we are lonely we make up imaginary friends, when we grow up and we are lonely we make up imaginary love.

Real love blinds people, fake love gives us a third eye that makes us see things were there is nothing. Makes us over-analyze 3 word messages, obsess over a picture, cry over an unanswered call.

This was probably not love, but love’s evil twin brother, Kevin. Kevin looks a lot like love and even acts like him but he has a secret agenda. One that changes every few second and inside every person´s heart.

Maybe all of this was simply Kevin making you a joke.

You can’t be sick of love when there was no love to get you sick on the first place. So, go look for the real one, you got your heart broke for a stupid reason, now let’s get it real broken, real destroyed, for the good one.

Now that you feel better, get your head up, and let’s do it all over again.Image

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16 thoughts on “Surviving a break-up, for dummies.

  1. Good advice. It’s close to what I have done. I do think it’s especially important to completely empty yourself of any reminders and avoid contact it least in that first few months after a break up. Any conversation you are likely to have with your ex is going to full of anger and you are just going to end up hurting each other more. I also agree that it is best to let yourself feel sad. It helps to be alone with your thoughts and reflect. Chances are the ending of the relationship is a two way street and you as much to think about your role in the breakup as you do in thinking about what a jerk the other person is.

    I do think though that love that didn’t work is still love. Maybe not as deep as you want, but love takes many forms. And love between two people who are not static but dynamic may look fake in retrospect, but I don’t think we can trust the hindsight in this case very much. When the world and everybody in it keeps changing I think love is always in the moment and all we can try to do is have those moments the rest of our lives. 🙂

    1. Hi, nice thought, i do agree that love is always love, but it has happened to me before, that i get obsessed with someone i can’t have, or i am at a very difficult point in my life and i use a man as a lifesaver so i don’t drown, but it is not really love, and sometimes i know it from the beggining but i just can’t help myself.

      1. Oh I understand. If you are conscious of what you are doing from the start that makes all the difference. And I agree sometimes we do try to force feelings of love into someone when we are feeling particularly weak or vulnerable. Rebound relationships are a good example of that.

  2. okay, this might look like a shallow comment here in context of the post.. While the words are lovely. there is the touch of pain. I can’t help but comment.. you’re beautifully gorgepousss

  3. I know this is an old post of yours– but it truly is helping me with what I am going through right now– I love your writing style, and how you use humor so well in whatever you write, no matter what it’s about.

    1. Hi, thank you very much! And sorry you are going through a break-up, it’s one thing to write about it, but i’m still struggling with the last one. Hope you feel better soon!

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