Tell her how the wine ended up in your face.

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Tell her how you used to count my ribs with your tongue to make me laugh.

Tell her of that time we were at the beach and we saved a turtle’s life. Tell her of that time we fell asleep together at the woods, and woke up to find a squirrel snuggled up next to us.

Tell her of that time we stole dishes and glasses from the supermarket because we had no money. Tell her how the next day we had a huge party and all of them got broke.

Tell her of that time you made a surprise dinner for me at the roof of our apartment, and a storm fell on us but we still stayed, and everything got wet and I’ve never tasted anything that good. Your lips were wet and I’ve never tasted anything so good.

Tell her about the time we fell off the scooter in the streets of Paris, and we both skinned our elbows at the same place. Show her.

Tell her how every time some of my friends or your friends would come to visit us, we would rent an hotel room and escape, just so we could still have sex every day.

Tell her how you used to take hundreds of pictures of the way my hair was always all over my face.

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Tell her about that time you invited me to our favorite restaurant, and then told me over the Bordeaux wine that you had met someone else. And you had already moved all your things out of our apartment. Tell her how the wine ended up in your hair and clothes, and the waiter complained in French about what a waste that was, it was, if I could go back i would drink it and slap you…

Tell her how i stopped eating, and you thought it was funny.

Tell her how i called you a couple of times crying, more than a couple, a dozen more like it, and you never answered.

Tell her how i texted you that time my house caught fire and when my grandfather died and you never answered.

And tell her how when my calls stopped coming you started trying to reach me. I had changed my number by then, you went crazy trying to find it.

Tell her how you found out i had a new boyfriend and spent 3 hours drunk yelling and singing at my window, until my neighbors had to call the cops.

Tell her how you called my friends and asked them not to let me come near your wedding, you couldn’t see me. You just could not. You were afraid.

Tell her you still keep all those pictures of me in a pink box at the back of your closet, with your grandmother’s gold chain and your dad’s watch.

Tell her I was the first person you called when she lost the baby, and you wept with your arms around my stomach like a child.

Tell her you miss me, be honest.

Tell her you still call me when you are drunk, you come knocking at my door every once in a while. And you ask all our old mutual friends about me, tell her of that text you send me one Saturday at 4 am. about how my little girl should be yours…

Oh, but she knows, she already knows…

She loves you and she is no idiot, a woman in love is better than fortune tellers and detectives, she can read it on your face like a map.

Tell her you still love me. Let’s make it real.

Tell her you dream about me. And it kills you, because most dreams are memories.

Tell her you made the wrong choice. And now you can’t live with it, or yourself, or her.

Or don’t, she already knows…

Tell her.

Or don’t.

The way back to the past is forever closed. It’s now a lifetime too late anyway.

Tell her to have a strong drink and her arms ready for you.

Because tonight when you come to me

The answer will still be no.

It will always be no.

The way back to the past is forever closed,

and the way back to broken hearts is too…

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20 thoughts on “Tell her how the wine ended up in your face.

  1. This was so beautifully powerful. Painfully powerless. Those moments, and the revelations that accompanied the journey through this post are as fresh in mind as if they had happened to me. And to an extent, they did in some ways. We all have special moments, regrets, paths we follow that sometimes come to an unexpected — perhaps unwanted — fork that carries our lives in different directions. Still, we come to vantage points now and then, looking back over the road we’ve traveled, hopefully with the sense of knowing we chose the right fork. Even when we do, memories of the climb stay with us. Thanks for sharing yours so eloquently.

  2. EveManfre

    Woman you are the voice of nations. I have felt every line you wrote. Your insight and beauty of expression blows me away but it makes me sad that you have gone through so much. I guess we all have in one way or another but your heart seems extra specially abused…yet you are making something beautiful out of it with this poignant and throughful pieces of writing. I am so happy and relieved for you that you’ve found happiness with a new man and have a beautiful child to celebrate that. It makes reading all these stunningly heartbreaking tributes bearable. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope the man in this suffers for all eternity! What a chump.

  3. After reading this I reflected a lot on it. Which demonstrates right there how emotionally powerful it is. When love is strong, the aftermath is always messy. When love is intertwined with friendship it seems impossible to separate the two, even if that is what we would ideally like to do. I’ve never been particularly good at it. At least in the short term. It takes time. One of the blessings and (sometimes) curses of human memory is our ability to let the bad fade and the good remain. I wonder if he truly had a second chance whether it still wouldn’t screw it up and has simply forgotten what led him down the path he took. Unfortunately one of the realities of life is that there are no second chances. Might I ask you a personal question though? I was wondering whether or not you forgive him for breaking your heart?

    1. Hi! Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts, and regarding your question, i’d love to say i’m an amazingly good person, but i’m not really haha i’ve never forgiven someone for breaking my heart, i can’t even be facebook friends with them once they do it. I close up forever.

      1. While I think forgiveness is always the correct path. What is best and what is easily done are often two different things. But who knows what time will bring? I guess the reason I asked was that in your poem it seems like you still maintain a relationship with him after it had seemed you walked away. I am not sure I could maintain a relationship with someone who I had not forgiven as it would make my interactions with that person lesson than sincere. But that’s just me perhaps. I apologize. There is no judgment. You have great depth of feeling and I like to always try and understand how a person such as yourself deals with these painful emotional events.

      2. Oh, i don’t really, maybe the writing came out like that, sometimes i have ideas so clear in my head that i think everyone is seeing the same thing, but everyone reads it different i guess. Like i wrote that my house caught fire, and it was really my closet that did (one tuesday, at 6am, not fun!), that memory is so vivid in my mind that i forget some people might actually imagine my entire house burning down. I need to be more specific i think. Don’t apologize i love to hear people’s opinions. 🙂 And how is your new baby going? I haven’t see you post anything new.

      3. I wrote so many blog posts before, and people only want to read my blog now that I have a baby. lol C’est la vie! I really don’t mind to be quite honest, because the whole experience is pretty inspiring to write about, and I don’t mind talking about my beautiful child too much either. 😉 I thank you for asking, and currently there is not too much to write about. At this stage the baby is pretty unexciting from an interaction standpoint. It clearly doesn’t know what the hell is going on, and sleeping, eating, excreting is the only thing it would have to write on his resume. 🙂 There will be much more to write about once he starts being more interactive I’m sure. I am more concerned at this point about my wife, whose recovery from the C-section is going a bit slower than I’d like, because, like any mother she is stressed about taking care of the child over taking care of herself. My dad is staying with us now, so hopefully that will help her get a bit more rest. But I’ve been trying to be a bit more helpful myself thus I haven’t put too much thought into blogging lately. 🙂

      4. haha i know! and the blog is nothing it’s much worse in real life. Strangers everywhere will sit down next to you and want to hear all the details about the baby’s birth, yeah, apparently that is acceptable and not weird? Anyway, glad to hear your family can help you guys out, hope your wife feels better soon. 🙂

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