Whatever enough…

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Wish i was mature enough…

Or maybe it’s stupid enough?

Or wise enough? Naive enough?

I need to find it.

Whatever enough i need to be to forgive you.

To stop this hate that keeps coming to my house like giant waves of water.

Breaking doors and windows to get in.

My home got so messy, my room a swamp, i need this enough soon.

Whatever enough i need to be to forgive you.

Before the flood gets inside me too.

And i’m forced to wear the hate for the rest my life.

Nancy in the trees.

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Tell Nancy she can climb down from up there.

The forest is long gone, we are grown.

She was scared but the monsters are now gone.

It was all in her head, it’s over, her hair is long.

The earth feels nice to step on.

Nancy hiding, from real life in a story tree.

Tell her to climb down.

The forest is gone, is now a river.

Rivers go somewhere, water washes up old dirt.

Come down, we love you, the water is fine.

Bruno and his brother, and that time they were almost one.

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Bruno and Leo, just the two of them.

7 and 9 years old.

A three house were you are not allowed in, just the two of them.

Almost twins. 16 months apart. Used to dress alike.

Bruno and Leo driving their mom crazy.

Two, almost one.

 

Years passed, beards grew.

They became men. Men lie.

Lies splitting skin that used to be sewed together apart.

Money making his way between them.

Lovers making their way between them

Fights, Heirdoms, lies, one missed gunshot, the final barrier.

The goodbye.

 

Bruno and Leo, not twins, not brothers, not friends.

 

Just two tired old men walking home alone after a long day.

 

Bruno and Leo two rich lonely strangers with a scar.

A never fully healed wound, the hole where they once shared wings.

A goodbye.

Instructions for bad decisions.

This is the fictional story of the life of a little girl called Lola:

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Lola was living a carefree life in a non-existent country called Maxico, a life full of books and flowers until one night, at a club, something terrible, but horribly cute!! happened to her:

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Hot gym guy Bernardo. POW!

Things with gym guy Bernardo were pretty great until the day he was like, “Oh by the way  i’m going back to my country forever now with my girlfriend Pam”.

Pam? Girlfriend?

Yeahp, his girlfriend Pam.

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UGH!

Anyway… this is not about Pam.

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REALLY not about Pam. Move along Paaaaaam!

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ANYWAY… Lola forgives Pam because she looks like she can’t even count to 10 and she can’t be mad with a girl who can’t even count, that would be sad, like being mad with a baby goat. No one can get mad with a baby goat.

Sooooo where do you think this story is going? What happens next? She forgets about the guy? She eats a gallon of ice cream and lets it go?

There are so many options! think about it! What would you do after this? What would any normal, sane person do in this situation?…

Uh?


Well i hope your answer was buying a plane ticket and following the guy to his country, because that’s what Lola did.

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So, yeah, Lola sitting right there might looks like a horrible life example, or a very good example of what not to do. But, is she?

You know what happened with that guy once she got to Brasil? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

She didn’t even called the guy, she never had to! A couple of days after she got there she forgot all about him.

Because, well no one cries for a guy in Brasil where there is all this food, and drinks and is hot gym guy paradise. And it would be really stupid to cry for a lemon in a land full of oranges. Beautiful, sexy oranges. :) So, you see? Even what seemed like a very stupid thing to do ended up allright.

Really more than allright, i met a lot of amazing people, and visited some awesome places, and i ende… Ahhhh noooo, not i! LOLA i mean LOLA, Lola did.. arhhhhg, Ok… you got me, i have a confession “Lola” doesn’t really exists, I AM Lola, i was talking about me this whole time using a Code name.

I do really stupid things for love.

You know?  that was not even the most stupid thing i’ve done! But i’m saving those… So what i’m trying to say is that even “bad” things have something good hiding in the middle.  Just like filled donuts. Life is fun like that i guess.

Sometimes mistakes are a push to a place you needed to be, a push to someone else you needed to meet, a push to yourself, a wake up.

And sometimes i guess, it was not about me, sometimes when a person see what someone else is capable of doing for them, it makes them start doing amazing things for themselves too.

So, at the end all the “bad” decisions of my life ended up being the best decisions of my life.

Want to make a REALLY bad decision? Follow rules you don’t believe in, compare yourself to others, live the way others tell you to live,  live by lists,  don’t buy that plane ticket, don’t quit that job you hate, never leave your comfort zone.

But then don’t blame other people at the end of your life, when your memories and your life are empty. Because it was all your doing.

Really, it’s never too late for anything, and nothing you do for love is too crazy. No action made from the heart is ever wasted, there is always a reward or a lesson.

Oh except that time in 2008 when i grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off ALL my waist lenght hair (and bangs, BANGS!) myself and ended up looking like a 12 year old boy for 6 months.

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That was baaad, and had no positive side. Yeah… still hurts a bit…

BUT aside from that tragedy, i feel like i already lived more than some people do in their entire lifetimes and i’m forever thankful for all the doors that closed in my face, because they made me keep moving on and on.

So i’m really happy with the way things turned out and the place i am right now, and i hope you can say the same about yourself, wherever that is, whoever you are.

This is not gonna end well…

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We are on the beach.

You, me, they.

They are here too, but they don’t matter.

 

It’s not summer but you smell sunny anyway.

And i had been so washed out that the salt and the sea feel alive.

 

We are on the beach and you say let’s go for a swim.

And i never learned to swim, but i follow.

We get in the water.

(What if we never leave?)

 

I’m in your arms. (How did i got here?)

I can’t swim, and the sea starts to feel scary again.

Still something tells me to stay. Your voice. The way hugging you feels like reaching a place.
 

We get deeper in.

Water all around, i close my eyes.

I can’t feel the bottom at my feet anymore.

Why am i doing this again? I can’t swim! I almost drowned before!

 

And

“This is not gonna end well” is the last thought i have as the water pulls us further in,

and i hold on to your back for dear life.

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